Conversations I don't like having with my mother

After my doctor's appointment today, I called my mom to tell her the good news. I can go back to work! So we chatted away about what I should do to continue getting better but still go back to work and get a decent paycheck, and a few other things I can't really remember. Then she throws me a curve ball... "be careful, Lisa.. you don't want to get pregnant".... WHAT?!!

How the heck does this pop into her mind while talking about work and being ill? Well.. according to my mother; its easier to get pregnant when you're sick. EW! I don't need to be talking about sex and having babies with my mom just yet. Granted she obviously knows I'm no virgin from some past incidents with pregnancy tests, and the fact that I'm married. But still.. why does my mom have to bring up sex with me? Really.. is that necessary?

I think my mom, like me is very curious about other people's sex lives.. even her own daughter's. Here's another example..

Three days before my wedding, was Thanksgiving. Like always we all gathered at my mom's boyfriend's house for lunch and chit chat. I was suffering from the bleeding vagina epidemic at the time and had unfortunately broken out a little. I was telling my mom about my stupid pimples, and trying to figure out how to make them disappear in three days time. My mom made this weird face and says "oh no! You're on your period right before your wedding!! What about your honeymoon?" PUHLEEEEEEASE! Mom, really, please. Don't point out the fact that I'm going to have wild barbaric sex on my honeymoon, and now I can't because of my vaginal woes.
Then I tell her "oh pshh its no big deal" and realize two seconds later I just implied to my mother that I have no problem having sex at the dirtiest time in a woman's life. Embarrassed I quickly reminded her I would be finished with my girlish troubles within a day or two, just in time for the wedding.

Oh god, If only my mom really knew... And then my brother spills to her that he and I and a few friends went to a strip club after my bachelorette party. How embarrassing first of all, but this is doubly embarrassing that my own mother, the woman that birthed me has to know that her daughter and son, together went to a strip club. Ugh.. I hope my kids aren't like me.

Things I hate

I hate my doctor. Every time he would ask me what my symptoms are, or whats wrong or not working treatment wise, and I answer him.. he thinks I'm listing off things I read on WebMD or some whack medical site. Sorry Dr. Cohen but this is real shit. Yes there really is yellow drainage coming from my ears, my snot is bright green and I already know Amoxicillin usually kicks the shit out of the virus because I've taken it at least 20 times throughout my life, but its not working this time.

I also hate people that don't use the Internet daily. The Internet and computers expand people's minds. Even if you don't do anything but watch YouTube for an hour and then check your Myspace, its still good for your brain. You can see what other people do with their time, keep up with your friends and/or family and its always nice to check GoogleNews to see whats going on in the rest of the world. I would certainly encourage my kids to go on the Internet for at least an hour everyday, it might even be one of their chores. Books aren't as accessible as the Internet is these days, so why not use it while its there in front of your fingertips?

One more thing to add to my hate list for the day: Carpets. Especially in apartment complexes and hotels. In an apartment, you have to replace the carpets at least every five years. Why deal with replacing carpets? Throw in some wood or tile floors, run a steamer or a buffer over them and they're good for a lifetime. Hotels.. how unsanitary is that?! You wouldn't think it, but people are disgusting. I've been to a few hotel parties in my day. People puke, they pee, they have sex and do many more nasty things on carpets in hotels. And then a maid runs through with an old vacuum cleaner and its done? Gross. I was at a hotel party where someone spilled meth, yes.. methamphetamine on the floor. I feel bad for the family that brought their child or pets into this hotel room after that party. If I were president or attorney general or something with a cool powerful title, I would require every apartment complex, hotel, and office building upgrade their disgusting ugly carpets to tile or wood floors. Hell, I would even fund it. This world needs to upgrade itself and its standards... my next project would be putting street signs and such in grocery stores and malls (my next complaint)

A major pet peeve of mine is when people cannot walk through a facility with the same rules they use when driving on the road. One side for one direction, watch for oncoming people traffic before you turn, know where you're going, and don't stop and look around, move out of the fucking way first.

I'm done complaining for now.