Conversations I don't like having with my mother

After my doctor's appointment today, I called my mom to tell her the good news. I can go back to work! So we chatted away about what I should do to continue getting better but still go back to work and get a decent paycheck, and a few other things I can't really remember. Then she throws me a curve ball... "be careful, Lisa.. you don't want to get pregnant".... WHAT?!!

How the heck does this pop into her mind while talking about work and being ill? Well.. according to my mother; its easier to get pregnant when you're sick. EW! I don't need to be talking about sex and having babies with my mom just yet. Granted she obviously knows I'm no virgin from some past incidents with pregnancy tests, and the fact that I'm married. But still.. why does my mom have to bring up sex with me? Really.. is that necessary?

I think my mom, like me is very curious about other people's sex lives.. even her own daughter's. Here's another example..

Three days before my wedding, was Thanksgiving. Like always we all gathered at my mom's boyfriend's house for lunch and chit chat. I was suffering from the bleeding vagina epidemic at the time and had unfortunately broken out a little. I was telling my mom about my stupid pimples, and trying to figure out how to make them disappear in three days time. My mom made this weird face and says "oh no! You're on your period right before your wedding!! What about your honeymoon?" PUHLEEEEEEASE! Mom, really, please. Don't point out the fact that I'm going to have wild barbaric sex on my honeymoon, and now I can't because of my vaginal woes.
Then I tell her "oh pshh its no big deal" and realize two seconds later I just implied to my mother that I have no problem having sex at the dirtiest time in a woman's life. Embarrassed I quickly reminded her I would be finished with my girlish troubles within a day or two, just in time for the wedding.

Oh god, If only my mom really knew... And then my brother spills to her that he and I and a few friends went to a strip club after my bachelorette party. How embarrassing first of all, but this is doubly embarrassing that my own mother, the woman that birthed me has to know that her daughter and son, together went to a strip club. Ugh.. I hope my kids aren't like me.